thinking in the quiet...

It seems to be quite "quiet" on this blog. It is new. There are two followers (one of which is me). And I'm not sure how many are "watching" quietly from the wings. But I am mulling over something that was a puzzlement in years past, and am posting my rambling thought in case it hits a chord with someone else "listening".

My first child, a girl, was released for adoption almost 21 years ago (1988). And since my second child was not born until 1995... and then another in 1997... I soon had a dilema. How to tell my later children of the child I released for adoption. Since my adoption had been "semi-open", my story was not broadcast, and was private to all but my immediate family and a few close friends. How then to trust a child with that story? And with the adoption being semi-open, photos and letters from the adoptive family had stopped long ago. How to time telling the story, when a "reunion" would always remain a shakey option... and was not guaranteed?

There were no books on the market (or at least none that I had found) to "read aloud", when a birthmother wants to tell the story to her later children. There are endless lists of books for the adoptive family to read to their adopted child, for them to grow up "knowing" how they came to be. But there was a void for what I needed.

When I contacted a few sources, looking for options --- I either hit a deadend, or was told by one source a surprising thought: That I should not burden my (current) children with my past. Ouch. I had assumed that if it was "normal" and "healthy" for an adopted child to grow up KNOWING they were adopted... that it would be normal and healthy for my later children, too? But now I was in a quandry. No resources... dissenting opinions... hmm.

And as I tried to free form decisions over the years, as my two later children were growing up... praying for the perfect time... the perfect opening... God kept staying my hand. Until I reached the one year mark before my placed daughter turned 21. That was never my intention, to wait so "late" --- and I did NOT want it to be something shocking like in the talk shows, announced 30 minutes before "the reunion" took place... But God, apparently, had other plans.

And in hindsight, I see His timing, for my later children being told. It wasn't my timing. But it worked out perfectly. Easily. And they have embraced the information in it's fullness. But knowing that every family is different, I was curious what other "stories" exist out there. What resources exist out there. How other birthmoms have handled telling their later children about the child they released for adoption.

I would like to hear YOUR story.