a heart full of questions

I am so grateful that Lifeline is not "new at this". That they have been a part of birthmothers' lives... and adoptees' lives... and adoptive parents' lives for years before I even placed. And they watch the cycles as each player in the triangle of adoption grows and changes and matures... and sometimes takes two steps backwards before they can take the one step forward.

Lifeline is putting together resources for birthmothers that are going to network together birthmoms across city lines... and across state lines... in ways that local support groups could only do in limited ways. To realize that Lifeline's Facebook account allows instant "updates" as birthmoms experience the ups and downs of landmark birthdays... goodbyes to key people in their adoption story... struggles with pieces of their current life not coming together in the way (and in the timing) that they had hoped they would. Wow. Add to that the blogging format, and the ability for birthmoms to share their stories in more depth... to write about their struggles as their child's due date approaches... getting past the painful one year birthday celebration... the joys and tears as updates come from the adoptive family... and accelerating past to the waiting, once a placed child reaches the age of information being available to them as they contemplate the decision to search for birthparents. Wow.

I would love to read more stories from Lifeline birthmoms. Of all ages. Of all life stages. Those who are just starting their adoption journey, and trying to decide what path to take to rebuild their life as their placed child starts his... as they struggle with feelings as they later are pregnant with a child they plan to parent... as they contemplate landmark times in their placed child's life that they don't have visibility to... and as a search and reunion happen when the child is 21... or doesn't... what they do during the waiting as life has to still continue, even during the silence.

I hope that Lifeline will one day make available the stories of these birthmoms. And adoptees. And adoptive families. A resource for each of those three to pour over and read thru, as they try to comprehend the strangeness and delight of God's plan intertwining their lives... and therefore their hearts. Stories to read of adoptive moms feeling fear and struggling with trust as the child they poured heart and soul into... announces a need to "search". Stories to read of adoptees who feel grateful and content and at peace with where they are and who they are... and feel no need to look backwards by searching for someone who they hope has gone on to feel the same peace and contentedness. Stories to read of birthparents who make a decision to search for a placed child, not knowing if the child will accept their interest in finding out who they have become in the years that God allowed their paths to separate. Stories of birthparents who feel they need to wait, for the placed child to come looking for them, as a decision coming thru their desire to search and to seek out that which they came from.

The stories collected will not all be happy. But some will. Some of the stories will not have their ending written yet. But others will have God's handwriting all over them in how the pieces fell together in just the right way, with Him as Author. Some stories will be written with patience. Some with anxiousness. Some of the stories will be examples of mistakes that they hope you don't repeat in your own adoption story. Some will be stories of grace, with the writer hoping you have been able to experience what they were blessed with.